"abraham lincoln" - history lesson

for his party invitation, my friend included a laundry list of promises. now, derek is a man of his word, so i tried to complete as much of the checklist as possible. i wore plaid, i brought a cake, and abraham lincoln was in attendance (sort of). according to derek, it might be too soon for abe jokes. i trust him, he's a history fiend; he told his first jesus joke last month. but i figured sassy badger could get away with it.

i don't know if you know, but abraham lincoln lived in a time when there were no colored photographs. so, i did a bit of researching. in a self-description, lincoln described himself as 6'3", dark brown hair, and grey eyes. it made things easy for me. grey for the suit and his eyes. and i just used chocolate icing for the beard/eyebrows/mole, which i also think reflects nicely on lincoln's inclinations towards slavery. too much?  anyway, i have a close-up of that mole if you're interested in a new desktop background.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2.5 hours + a lifetime of disappointment for the lack of elian gonzalez and a "two-way petting zoo"promised at this party

the pride and joy of illinois, and all the usa,
sassy badger

P.S. - this is my second post about a president, and i have one from a barack obama cake (although he was senator at the time of it's baking). i'm thinking of completing all 44 presidents. so, if anyone's having a herbert hoover party, let me know. or maybe you're more of a millard fillmore fan?

"rooster" - what's in a name?

NERD ALERT: it's another greek cake!

another semester, another fabulous greek class. i still have my two amigos from last year and we FINALLY hung out outside of anything related to greek for joy's birthday. when joy asked that this cake be brought to class and not to her party, i happily obliged because:

1. NERD ALERT: it's a greek cake.

2. the writing in green is defined in our book as the animal "cock." yes, let's explain that one to a room of people i don't know very well at el arroyo. luckily, our teacher, larry kim, let's us translate it as "rooster" so that we can "maintain our sensibilities." thank you, larry.

(sidebar: larry is 39 years old. i seriously thought he was 25 all year. he says it's probably because he's asian. he also believes that his eyebrows, which sit rather high on his forehead, convince people he is constantly in a state of surprise, only adding to the child-like curiosity of his features. end sidebar.)

3. it's a greek cake. the brown writing is based off a homework sentence we had about socrates... come on.

however, the sentence was easy to manipulate because joy is a noun, a word that we actually have in english and greek. i feel like i sort of sort-changed bob dylan in this respect (no big deal). anyway, it reads "we would gladly stand on the earth that gave us Joy."

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours + about 6 seconds to convince larry kim to let us skip class and see "clash of the titans" next week

release the kraken,
sassy badger

"spider-man" - i wish i made this cake for me

if you've gone through my movie collection, looked at the posters on my wall back home, or perused through my bookshelves, then you know, undoubtedly, i am in love with spider-man.

let's keep this PG: imagine a game of "kiss, date, or dump" between spider-man, batman, and superman... what would you do? when about 90% of everyone else chooses to shoot (i mean dump) him, i always choose to marry (i mean date) him. how do clark kent and bruce wayne even compare to the awkward, gangly, forever-teenager that is peter parker?????? let's be serious.

i did have a spider-man cake made for me once, but i don't have a picture of it. maybe the people who made it do (HINT). i'd gladly do a side-by-side comparison... but honestly, i loved that cake.

anyway, this cake had to be perfect. 1. it's spider-man. 2. i made it for a kid. a real person. not one of my slightly inebriated, albeit charming, friends. it took me a long while to settle on the design, but i must say it's probably my favorite cake so far. and, sadly, i have not been able to give it to mansour, so, gladly, i might get to eat it. maybe i did make this cake for me.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 3 hours + a 4th spider-man movie cancelled, just so they can make a different spider-man movie with a different actor playing spider-man...

your friendly neighborhood cake baker,
sassy badger

"krusty the clown" - the importance of words

according to the dictionary, a show is a) a theatrical presentation; b) a radio or television program; or c) a public performance. nowhere does the dictionary refer to a show as a movie. shows are not movies. 

person 1: have you seen the show Avatar?

me: you mean the airbender cartoon?

person 1: no the one about blue cat people...

see how confusing it can be? so, i and other members of my cause are going to keep correcting my friend who must not be named (whose name is on the cake). and he will keep saying "gosh, you film nerds are so stuck up." or "only you austin people care about the distinction."

if by "austin people" he means everyone else in the world. and by "distinction" he means truth.... then, yes. since we already know his dictionary is sketchy, i'm going to assume that's what he means.

a small point, the Simpsons can also refer to a movie. but that does NOT disprove my point.... i hope?

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 3 hours + 1 Avatar: the Last Airbender movie that had to change its name because of some other movie that some people have seen

can i get a witness,

sassy badger

"jimmy fallon playing robert pattinson playing edward cullen" - so po-mo

first and foremost, go here (if you haven't already): robertisbothered.com. my favorites are "halloween" and "snickers ads," but watch them all.

obviously, figuring out a way to make it look like jimmy fallon looking like robert pattinson looking like edward cullen would be practically impossible. so, if you ever find yourself in such a post-modern debacle.... then you're a nerd like me for using words like "post-modern" and "debacle." basically, i just traced pattinson as edward, skipping all that other in-between nonsense.

i will say this one turned out surprisingly well, and it looked better in person that it does in photograph. after all, it is a vampire..... EYOOO. anyway, here is a shout-out to probably the best twilight cake ever made.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours + a huge thank you to mr. fallon for having a ton of time on his hands

so sparkly,
sassy badger

"1983" - a shot at a second musician

if you know me (the real me, not my badger patronus, although they are equally sassy), then you know that i thoroughly enjoy john "singer/songwriter/guitarist/tweet-er/media whore" mayer. this year, he hosted his second annual holiday cake baking contest:

http://www.johnmayer.com/blog/permalink/5369

i technically submitted this one in reference to his song "1983" off his first album. however, i'm not sure it actually made it through because my email was rejected numerous times. although this was seriously heartcrushing, it might be for the best because i made this in a hurry. my mom labelled it "cute" (read: "A for effort?"). whatever, i had a rockets game to get to, COURT SIDE. the lovely gentlemen in front of us would have been super sad if i skipped out just to bake a cake.

but who knows, maybe my submission was accepted (musician #2 to see one of my cakes), maybe he loved it, maybe i will get to meet him....

"so, john, do you prefer onesies or two-piece pajama sets?"

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + a decade of dedicated listening withstanding terrible relationships with jessica simpson and jennifer aniston

i wish i was six again,

sassy badger

"bob dylan" - the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard

so, my greek professor is obsessed with bob dylan. and by obsessed, i mean for real:
http://www.utexas.edu/research/pasp/publications/dylan/dylana.html

anyway, i made him this cake which combines his 2 most favorite things, bob and greek. just so you know, this guy is passionate about absolutely everything he does. he took one look at this cake and within 1 hour, he had forwarded a picture of it on to bob dylan's manager, jeff rosen. i kid you not. the next day, rosen sent an email to me via professor palaima...

"the cake is great! what happened to the days when students would just give their teachers apples?"

ok, so that is cool enough in itself. then i received word again from palaima just today, this time he told me that rosen had shown the picture to dylan. i'm not expecting any word from bob himself, but seriously. BOB. DYLAN. HAS. SEEN. MY. CAKE. what?


TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2.5 hours, starting at 2 in the am + 3 hours of sleep = the best surprise a girl could ask for.


it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe,
sassy badger


p.s. - the cake says "what life, what joy without golden Dylan?" which (nerd alert) references mimnerus, a greek poet, who wrote "what life, what joy without golden Aphrodite?"

"tony the tiger" - they'rrrrrrre awkward

i made this one for my screenwriting section because our TA's name is tony. original, i know. anyway, it turns out that he really hates that reference because his ex-girlfriend gave him a tony the tiger shirt, and apparently, and i quote, "she was a total bitch." bitter much?

alright, so that was pretty awkward. but then... we went out after and his current girlfriend came along. she was totally cool, but she also had a few choice words to say about the ex-girlfriend. I JUST WANTED EVERYONE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. OK?

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 3.5 hours + 30 minutes at hobby lobby + 1 semester of hard work probably down the drain because i brought up bad memories

beat it,

sassy badger

"boomhauer" - i tell ya what, man

this is probably the most fun i've had with a cake in a while. seriously, boomhauer is too cool for words... seriously.

fyi - that is proper screenwriting format there with the dialogue. don't you feel educated now? go write a screenplay, james cameron... preferably not about "blue cat people."

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2.5 hours and 13 seasons of an awesome t.v. show

mo' dough, mo' problems,
sassy badger

"lickitung" - take a pitcha first

here's a sad truth i've discovered: the nerdier the image, the easier it's going to be to decorate. i mean, honestly, lickitung has some of the easiest shapes and fewest colors i have ever worked with. thanks a lot pokemon artists! could you not set aside your gameboy and put your comic books down long enough to draw some more intricate characters? many thanks, sincerely.

we also ran into a bit of a transportation problem with this one, seemingly obvious advice to follow...

take a picture before the cake leaves the counter. we tried to illegally sneak this one into the school's cafeteria... in a tote bag... turned up on its side. let's just say, tote bags aren't nearly as icing absorbent as you might think.


TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours and 3 bloody hangnails (how else do you think i mixed pink icing?)

wash your hands and cover your cough,
sassy badger

"harry potter" - improv

real cake decorating involves nothing to do with sprinkles. amateurs.

i'm not totally serious, but once you start spending 4 hours on your cakes consistently, you won't have any idea how to handle something as uncontrollable as sprinkles. then in walks my baking OCD, and i spend about 30 minutes separating sprinkles into colors.

in short, get your decorating fix however you can. you will sleep better.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 35 minutes, which was 30 minutes longer than everyone else with my family

whip it, whip it good,

sassy badger

"george w." - slow down, yo

in his 8 years in office, there were probably about 1.6 million cartoons of george w. floating around. however, on the day that i need to put him on a cake, i cannot find a single one that works for me. BUT i had less than 3 hours, so i settled. i did not even bother to trace it, and voila! it looks nothing like him... instead it looks more like that guy from "the closer."* see:

also, with no time, i sort of didn't mix colors very well (or at all). no worries, "skin tone" looks like a spray tan at spring break, if mixed improperly - which is definitely what i was going for... and i just used whatever other colors i had. when did george bush not look good in a powder blue suit and magenta tie?

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours, a personal record with such subpar results. it's like you and dumbledore finding the locket so fast but then discovering it's not a real horcrux.

batter up,
sassy badger

*the actor's name is george william "g.w." bailey, who has the same initials as george w. bush. oh ho ho, the irony is not lost on me baking gods.

"dwight schrute" - do your googling

unless someone is holding the cutco spatula spreader to your throat, do not make a cake of a real live human being (paula abdul does not count).
i digress. if possible, find a cartoon or caricature on the internet somewhere. a lot of cake decorators recommend a great search engine called google. it can be found at www.google.com ... if you cannot find one, take james van der beek/michael cera/jesus/paula abdul to a six flags and get that creepy teenager to draw a caricature of the both of you for a mere 15 bucks. while you're at it, get your ridiculous name airbrushed onto a tee with some dolphins or something.
anyway, i was lucky enough to find a cartoon of dwight (also known as rainn wilson to about 3 people). then i just wrote the name of my soccer team in yellow, to coordinate with the tie (read: i was too lazy to mix a new color). finally, i added a question mark because we lost every game of our season. team work is dream work.



TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours + 6 hours of losing soccer games

get in the kitchen, stop your bitchin',
sassy badger

"the cheshire cat" - details, details, details

whoever drew the cheshire cat must have kept losing his crayons and so he just started picking new ones up. are four shades of purple really necessary? come on disney, stop hiring the crayon eaters.
on top of that, there were so many small details that never translate well to the cake pan.
solution: nix the unimportant stuff. no claws. no whiskers. no eyebrows. suck on that, crayon eater.
overall, this might have been my most challenging cake to date.


TOTAL DECORATING TIME (minus running to hobby lobby in the rain to get a #3 tip): 3.5 hours

happy baking,
sassy badger