"breaking bad" - blue cake

although i wasn't the first of my friends to jump on board with breaking bad, i've certainly jumped on said board with a fierce ferociousness, and i'm finding it incredibly difficult to talk about this cake without delving into spoilers, conspiracy theories, or shot-by-shot episode deconstruction. so, i guess i'm just going to talk about random shit, which, i know, is a huge detour from the usual fare here on this blog.

first things first. this cake taught me that i could totally be a drug dealer.

our kitchen sink is broken, so i wasn't able to mix icing colors, as my whole apartment actually fits in the sink, and i didn't want to flood my domicile... kind of just like dogs not wanting to crap where they sleep. well, that led to me mixing as few colors as possible and cleaning out the bowls in the bathroom. in terms of meth scouts, i totally earned my "mixing things" and "working out of tiny spaces" badges. excuse me while i ask my mom to sew the badges onto my sash, which can also act as a stranglehold should you be attacked by a member of a drug cartel. look who just earned her "resourcefulness" badge?

because i had to adjust my original design for this cake, which was so high concept that i won't even bother you lesser minds with it, i decided that i should, at least, make the font as breaking badass as possible. omg, do you see what i did there? so, i set up the font to look like that in the opening credits of the show. i didn't have to research what "h" stood for on the periodic table or what tiny little number went up in the top corner. "basic chemistry" badge? check. however, i did have to look up "bi" or bismuth. now, a lot of people in the internet-verse apparently think it is really funny to say that bismuth's atomic number is 69... bi 69. hilarious. so, i was about to put 69 on the cake, but, luckily, that little voice inside my head, aka my genius, said i better check that. so, i did. after extensive research (a second google image search) i learned that bismuth's atomic number was actually 83. with that, "attention to detail" and "nothing gets by me attitude" become the fourth and fifth badges on my sash, respectively.

i had originally written "perspectively," but then i changed it. there goes my genius again, screaming "nothing gets by me!"

anyway, my next meth scout badge, "hiding things in secret places," is hard to show you in the first picture, so here's a look at the cake before it was baked:

if you've never seen breaking bad then you might not know that the main dude makes blue meth. this looks nothing like meth, but it is blue cake. oh, that's another great badge, "knowing what meth looks like." i was able to hide this blue cake like walt is able to hide his blue meth in SOMETHINGSPOILERY... i won't ruin anything for anyone, but, if you really want to know, the letters to the answer are sprinkled throughout this post. 

wow, that's really something. i made one of my easiest cakes to date, and, yet, i still came away with eight meth scout badges. two more, and i will be upgraded to master cook! can't wait to get my "lying to my wife and kids" one out of the way.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1 hour + 1 joke stolen directly from tina fey's bossypants, the letters of which are sprinkled throughout this post.

in the empire business,

sassy badger

"dr. sheldon wallace (in a purple suit)" - just because

guys, in case you were worried that i was going to branch out and try new things, this is yet another private practice cake.

the italics make it seem like there is a show called another private practice. same characters, just set like twenty years from now, when they all move to florida together and open a practice on the beach. oh, don't mind me, coming up with super innovative ideas over here...

also, to answer the question that i know you all have been dying to ask, yes, this is a pun riffing on brian benben's name. puns are the pathetic underbelly of jokes/humanity, but i can justify it because it's on a fucking cake and you can fucking eat it. i mean, that's like a well-known, totally not made up rule about comedy, of which i am not an expert.

on imdb, this website on the internet, they describe brian benben as a "charming, compactly built, extremely affable american actor."

charming? yes. compact? yes. affable? yes. american? who can say?

but seriously the guy is 100% charming and affable and translating that in icing sucked. i'd say i semi-failed. i gave him a little eye light to try to capture that twinkle he gets, but have you ever tried to wrangle a rainbow? can't be done.

similarly, when he smiles he gets these wrinkles up in the corners of his eyes, so i tried to do that too at first. well, the "wrinkles" made him look like an old man geisha... that's a thing.

so, basically, this looks like brian benben because of 1. the hair part and 2. he's in a suit, which, unfortunately, came out very purple. i swear on old man geishas everywhere that this was the result of mixing black dye with white icing. i skipped color class in kindergarten (i had to see a guy about a thing), but i'm pretty sure black + white = grey.  whatever, sheldon might own a purple suit. i don't know! i hardly know the guy!

finally, i made this honestly because i was starting to feel out of practice, and i was like, "sorry chris*, i'm going to have to cancel our date because i would rather spend three hours in my hot, tiny kitchen." that's partially the truth!

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours + 30 minutes being distracted by mindy kaling and b.j. novak's twitter fight last night.

married to madeleine stowe,
sassy badger

*hemsworth. obviously.

"apples to apples" - super specific

i'm really craving pizza right now.

anyway, what else do you bring to an apples to apples party for your soccer team? i would ask jeeves, but i recently learned that that's not a thing anymore. rest in peace, 90's internet.

so, rather than bringing wine, because apparently people my age like to drink(?), i brought this cake. 

spitfire f.c. is the name of my soccer team. f.c. stands for "football club," but this is america, so i like to pretend it stands for funky cold and then, understood, medina.

i'm not going to even bother explaining the quote. i'm not even sure that i understand it, but it was a huge hit at the party, along with the wine(?).

now, i've played my fair share of apples to apples over the years, but the amount of times i've played since moving to los angeles is like infinitely greater than what i was expecting. literally, infinity, because i thought i would be playing zero times. i mean, we weren't even playing it ironically. 

each time i play i learn something new, like how funny i am and how unfunny everyone else is... i also like to throw down my own name for the green "humble" card. obviously. 

quick question, and, again, i really do wish i could be asking jeeves about this, but - why are the apples on the cards sweating? they're clearly running. so, have they been running for a long time? is it hot outside? where are they going? where are any of us going? i mean really?

come back to us, jeeves. bring my sixth grade geocities website with you. keep the xanga though. 

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + 6 strange looks from party-goers when i pulled a can of tea out of my purse after turning down a glass of wine (?). not sure what that was about.

the game of hilarious comparisons,

sassy badger

"schmidt" - a cyber birthday

ok, first and foremost, if you're reading this, please go wish my sister a happy birthday @friendlychuckle... her birthday was last week, and i made this last week, but i'm just getting around to posting it (i'm super busy and really important, obviously). my bad, charlotte. also if you want to send her clothes and gifts from me, that'd be great too.

for those of you who don't watch the exact same television as me (sorry for you) this is schmidt from new girl. there really aren't enough words to describe schmidt so, i'll let him speak for himself:

(quick pause while i give myself a high-five for doing a bit of html decoding or whatever to get that video to fit on the screen)

right, so there you have it. unfortunately, i couldn't capture the intensity of that "judaism, son" expression. schmidt's just too passionate about things... like menorahs, cheeses, and kimonos, but i'm still pretty happy with how it turned out.

anyway, my sister lives just a quick 21 hours down I-10 in houston, while i'm here in los angeles. however, she made me make her a chocolate cake, which i will now enjoy all by myself. seriously, i won't be sharing. sorry i'm not sorry.

also, great work by me for snapping a few pictures of this before i proceeded to accidentally punch a hole in his chin with my pinky finger. i was wearing my glasses today, and i felt like taking them off for a quick bit... it's like a completely different reality without them. who needs drugs? stay in school.

i did have a bit of fun adjusting his eyebrows and eyelids to get them "just right." it felt like doing make-up... not my make-up. i still don't know what that is, and i always end up getting hurt.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + 18 wonderful years with my cat coconut who is, in fact, a year older than my sister, and i always like to point that out.

who's that girl? it's,
sassy badger

"scandal" - trying new things

guys, i know i promised i wouldn't let hollywood change me, but the time has finally come for sassy badger to move on to bigger things... that's why this cake is 14.5 x 11in. when every other cake i've made has been 13 x 9.

woah, calm down. catch your breath. i'm still the same member of the weasel family i've always been - just as sassy, just as poor. 

this is also the first cake i've ever leveled (it's like really complicated, don't worry about it). it's the first time i've iced the sides (also SUPER complicated), and it's the first time i had to flip it from the pan to a tray. but, unlike landing a boyfriend, i turned out to be super good at all that stuff. 

anyway, this cake is for scandal, the new brain-child of shonda rhimes. i've seen the pilot. it's good. watch it.

like the cake i made for the finder, the show hasn't started yet (april 5th, ok?!), so there are only a few promotional materials floating around the interwebs for me to pull ideas from. when i saw the quote, the idea followed quickly after... she says her gut tells her things, and then her gut tells her to watch the show.  you see, it's funny because her stomach is talking. GET IT, GUYS?

i should mention that she/her is kerry washington in the lead role of olivia pope. and, if you're looking at the cake and thinking one of her arms is longer than the other, you're wrong. kerry just stands like a badass. that's why she has a show. take note.

can i also point out that, when kerry washington wears her hair back with a headband (like every day at soccer ever for me), she looks like this: 

but i look like this:

like, what gives, hereditary gods?

anyway, i ran into a couple of problems on this one... i bought "creamy peach" icing dye, thinking it would be this nice, calm, professional color. like the color of resume paper. i thought it would look nice. i now have two cans full of a highlighter pink icing that i got instead. at least i'm ready for every fraternity cake party ever. i didn't really go out in college, but i think those are things.

i also dropped a bag of icing on the top right corner of the cake, so that's why it looks so shoddy. the more you know... oh wait, that was a thing on nbc, and i've already sold my soul to abc. it won't happen again. 

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 3.5 hours + one giant bowl of leftover "cake parts" just staring at me. baking during lent when you give up sweets is like the ultimate test of willpower. so, you're welcome, jesus.

famous for playing ray charles's wife,

sassy badger

"princess tiana" - stressed

every sassy badger (so far there's just been the one, me) must enter an era of his/her/only her career (i don't make money for this) when she makes cakes that solely make obscure references to television shows, and, thus, require a detailed explanation which is so... blah.

everyone should just watch what i watch and know what i know and have the same brain as me. it's such a simple request. i'd do it for you. 

before i break this down, i will say... no, i'm going to break it down first.

on private practice, taye diggs's's character has a sister. his sister, corinne, suffers from bipolar disorder. his sister, corinne, is played by anika noni rose. anika noni rose was the voice of princess tiana in disney's (keeping it in the family, abc) the princess and the frog. ok. those are the facts.

so, cartoons are literally infinity times easier to ice than say... aj langer as rayanne graff from my so called life, which was an early version of this cake. it's another pp reference. ugh. GET IN MY HEAD NOW.

right, so i settled on princess tiana. autocorrect keeps changing it to "princess diana." too soon, autocorrect, too soon. 

again, right, settled on the design. and then i stressed for literally 26 hours on the text, and, as always, my idea came to me at about 1:40am. which was fine because i was up reading castle fanfiction on my phone anyway. no shame.

in case you don't get how it all makes sense, and, for some reason, you're still reading, here it goes: in my head, corinne, a television character, claims to be an animated princess, because she was, sort of, in another life... so, the doctors misdiagnosed her when she was actually telling the truth, sort of. get it? I DON'T CARE. IT'S PRETTY AND TASTED GOOD.

i wish private practice was that self-referential. i also wish they would bring the cat back. i worry about him. and... if he got sick, then addison could take him to a pet hospital, where six incredibly beautiful vets happen to work. boom. another spinoff... feral. because it's animals, and also because the doctors are wild in the boudoir, if you know what i mean.

[patting myself on the back]

alright, so there's a nice little, concise explanation for you. i would also like to say that i developed a new, innovative technique that is dope, but i will not bore you with the specifics. you're welcome.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + 67 minutes to write this post because it was so confusing and i didn't want to do it, and i spent 16 minutes of it searching variations of "how to get hair like stana katic."

almost there,
sassy noni badger

ps - i'm thinking about starting to include a "soundtrack" from now on. for instance, aguilera's "this christmas" was a hot track during this decorating experience.

"leonard" - i'm trying to get a job, ok?

so this cake was solely made as an addition to my resume that i sent out to a new bill lawrence (scrubs, spin city, cougar town, clone high, things i only dream of doing) pilot called like father. basically the guy hiring is his producer who happened to play the hook-handed security guard on scrubs... hence this cake.

i figured i had nothing to lose. except that it's ash wednesday, and i gave up sweets and i COULDNT EVEN LICK THE CAKE BATTER OUT OF THE BOWL.

so, randall winston, if you're reading this, i suffered a ton while baking. i'm sorry that looks nothing like your face. there should really be more pictures of leonard on the interweb. again, i'm sorry this doesn't look like you. although maybe you'd be weirded out by that too much? maybe you're already super weirded out?

right, well, like i said, who knows if anything, probably nothing will happen. however, if any of my twelve readers is looking for a PA for their television show... here's my resume. oh yea, mom and dad, there's my resume.

oh, did i forget to mention the awesome pun? that's because it speaks for itself.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2.5 hours + 3 episodes of scrubs that i "had" to watch through to find a screen cap of this guy. word of advice, don't yank your arm out of the ice machine.

like father like,
sassy badger (now that's a tv show)

p.s. - mom and dad and other concerned citizens - i am applying to jobs in the traditional fashion, too.

"cougar town" - penny can!

yea... i accidentally deleted the picture of the whole cake, but at least people seemed to enjoy it?

anyway, cougar town, had a contest where fans were supposed to take pictures of themselves playing penny can (it's a game about throwing pennies in cans, moving on) in crazy places. so, obviously, my friend, ben, and i went crazy X-TREME. although, i'm sure my twelve readers have already seen this, but WATCH OUR VIDEO.

BEN AND BARBARA'S X-TREME PENNY CAN

but, like, here's the thing. when the people said "photo contest," they really meant photo. not moving photos or anything. sorry, we're film students. sorry we're not sorry.

so, apart from a shout-out on twitter (which is basically social currency these days), we did not win. the winner played penny can in egypt... big whoop... on a camel... oh, ok, yea pretty sweet.

still, we had an awesome time making it, and we got to drink and eat cake. win-win. everyone watch cougar town!

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + about 17 cents down the drain after shooting that video.

not about cougars anymore,
sassy badger

"black eye violet" - pretty terrible

this is supposed to be violet turner with a black eye, as per episode of 512 of private practice (written by gabe llanas, available on hulu). now, if you're either a man or younger than 43, you're probably asking who is violet turner? what is private practice? i've said it before, and i'll say it again - ask your mom. 

[SPOILER ALERT] basically, violet gets the crap beat out of her:

yea, your mom's show can get violent, too. sometimes. very few times. but, in the words of janet jackson, this episode got "nasty boy."

this obviously doesn't look a whole lot like what it is supposed to look like, except for the hair. that hair was not fun to figure out, but i think it turned out pretty good. other than that, it's a pretty generic face and the "black eye" looks more like a bottom-lid purple eye patch. do they make those? dibs on that invention.

oh yea, i made this for a viewing party for the episode. it's not like i make cakes for myself while i watch tv... i buy frozen "dinners for one" when i do that.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + one square foot of counter space in my new kitchen, absolutely terrible

that chick from judging amy,
sassy badger

ps - the new sassy badger banner art is courtesy of my friend jenno. i appreciate when she does things like that rather than things that she is supposed to be doing.

"la galaxy" - against my will

Ook, this cake has to do with soccer. so, to all you americans out there, try to keep up. actually, all you foreigners keep up too because this deals with the MLS (American soccer), which no one follows.

anyway, the city of houston, texas has a professional soccer team called the dynamo. los angeles, california has a team called the galaxy. the dynamo played the galaxy for the MLS championship. it's like the super bowl of soccer, with 1/8 of the viewers.

so, i, being from houston, like the dynamo, and gabe and craig, from work, having lived in LA for awhile, cheer for the galaxy. obviously, this meant that some sort of bet was necessary between the two parties. the bet underwent a few drafts before it was finalized. one of the versions involved craig getting his own breakfast, but heaven forbid that happen, so we settled on something else:

if the dynamo should win, gabe and craig were required to each make and decorate a cake in support of the dynamo. craig's children could help him but not his wife.

(side note: one of the writers, who's from houston, wanted houston to lose so that we wouldn't have to eat whatever concoctions these two aces came up with.)

if the galaxy should win, i was required to make and decorate one cake in support of the galaxy. The type of cake would be craig's choosing, and it had to involve donovan, as per gabe's request.

surprise, surprise. the dynamo lost, and i owed them a cake. to make a long story only a little bit shorter: craig wanted a butterscotch cake. i tried it. i burnt it. no one else wanted butterscotch anyway. so, i went with funfetti.

i'm pretty happy with how landon donovan and david beckham turned out, especially beckham's "pedo-stache," but the logo... that's what i get for doing it without tracing it first. whatever. over it.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2.5 hours + 2 hours at the championship game surrounded by drunk, ignorant galaxy fans in the rain. worth it?

dale, dale, dynamo,
sassy badger

"fancy cat" - real class

i made this cake for an art show, predominantly a cat art show. you can watch all about it here:

i really don't think it needs much more explanation than that. i still can't believe that night really happened. however, i will say that i drew this cake entirely free hand... that's why the milk martini and shrimp cocktail are so well done. 

either way, this cat keeps his pinkies up. that's how you know it's fancy.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours + one glorious night reduced to a glorious sixteen minutes.

break me off a piece of that fancy feast,

sassy badger

"bow-tie pikachu" - obscurity

"long time no see" - me to this blog. 

in case you don't know, i've been in los angeles for the semester, and i'm already so famous that i don't have time to bake anymore.

well, that is partly true. i have been in los angeles, living in temporary housing with a crummy oven and no mixer. do you seriously expect me to mix cake batter by hand? it appears i have no choice out here. life is hard.

while here in los angeles, i have been interning in the writers' office of a lil' show called private practice (ask your mom about it). anyway, everything on this cake has to do with the show in some way, and i will now explain it to you, but i do not expect you to understand... unless you work at pp, in which case, let's pretend you aren't reading this.

so, there's a writer at work - let's call him "gabe llanas," and he wears bow ties every tuesday because he's classy like that. and last week, at the table read, he read for the part of mason, who is the son of the character cooper on the show. mason is eight, and gabe is not eight. 

although, that would be pretty great, and i would totally make a show about an eight-year-old who writes for a medical drama. 

but, anyway, gabe is there, in front of all the other actors and producers and people more important than me, and he's reading opposite paul adelstein, and brian benben cannot stop laughing, and yes i am done namedropping... all in all, it was hilarious, and if you want to see the real thing, tune in to private practice, thursdays on abc. check your local listings. boom, advertising. 

this specific scene is in episode 510. so, if that episode beats out all the other shows, i'm taking all the credit. you're welcome.

and there you have it, folks. now, you're in the know.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours + 4 viewings of the entire fourth season of private practice. so, a question ever comes up in pub trivia about who slept with who in season four, call me up!

i know it's my destiny,

sassy badger

"the finder" - professionalism

my reply, finder writers, is YES.

the finder hasn't technically aired yet, apart from its backdoor pilot on bones, but one look at geoff stults, and the answer is pretty straight forward. you certainly landed a looker, lucy camden. 7th heaven? anyone? every twentysomething girl? ok great.

basically, the show hinges on the fact that the finder can find anything, anywhere, anytime. but, as i posit, it would be alright if occasionally his power was voided when it came to his clothes. like maybe there's some sort of cosmic power shift every 3rd aquarium moon in the 9th house of the sun. i don't know, but i'm pretty sure the fifth dimension sing a song about it.

anyway, i really hate this cake. as the show hasn't started yet, there were not a whole lot of promotional photos or anything to base this on. if only there was someone who could find a photo for me..... womp. womp.

also, a contact somewhat commissioned this cake, as she is going to send it to the production company for me as a follow-up to my resume. i'm seriously hoping to land an internship there, emptying trash cans and getting coffee for the assistant's assistant. you know, all that glamorous stuff. so, i took this as seriously as an interview. therefore, those are, in fact, nervous tears and forehead sweat you taste in your slice...

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 3.5 hours + 6 seasons of waiting for booth and bones to finally get together... oh wait, this is the finder. still, hooray!  

sometimes known as walter sherman,

sassy badger

"matt" - ending of an era

made this cake in june, but let's not talk about it.

ok, well, this was a cake for my boss, matt, aka screenplay director of austin film festival. no big deal. don't be jealous. so on and so forth. this cake was a first because that is matt's face on the cake, and i gave it to matt. it was a whole new level of stalking for me, tracing my boss's nose off a facebook photo... trying to match the exact shade of blue for his deep, deep, deep v-neck tee.

but, at the end of the day, i'm very happy with how it turned out, and it was a fun birthday at the office. interns actually got to come out of the back room. after adjusting to the sunlight, i just hung around all day, doing very little work. however, it was also sort of sad because that was one of my last days working for the austin film festival, humble brag part ii. then, i got over it because i was going home to make $25 an hour, douchey brag...

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 3 hours + 1.5 years of glorious, unpaid, long-houred interning with aff.

thanks for all the papercuts,

sassy bdager

"little giants" - one time

so i made this cake back in may, and seeing as how it is now august, i figured i should get a jumpstart on posting it...

anyway, i made this cake for my indoor soccer team. yes, we are the little giants. yes, the little giants is a movie about football. yes, it is the greatest movie of our generation, and, probably, eternity. we've been playing under the giants name for about 3 years now, but this year we actually made it pretty far in the playoffs, so i figured, with all that extra running, we could eat a few extra calories. the cake (obviously) was super easy, but it's the thought that counts right?

also, we screened little giants during our party, and, by that, i mean half the team took a nap while i quoted the entire movie: 

zoltec (fat kid, after running a sprint) - "how did i do coach?"

coach o'shea (ed o'neill) - "i don't know son, i don't have a sundial."

classic 90's fat kid burn. classic.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 30 minutes + 2 hours trying to figure out what devon sawa is up to these days

call me icebox, 

sassy badger

"ron swanson" - bully for me

in case you aren't already, watch parks and rec. it is honestly my favorite show on television, and i'm like in a tv writing class and i like watch a lot of tv so i'm like an expert or like something.

but, yea, it's pretty great, and i want you to love it too, so start with season 2. it will rock your world, and then go back and watch season 1. they were definitely still figuring out that leslie knope is not michael scott and that this show is not the office. however, from the beginning they were definitely aware that ron swanson is the greatest human being, real and fictional. the show is so strong with amy poehler alone, but nick offerman's swanson seriously knocks it out of the park. he is both men in the term "man's man." he is so great, that i couldn't even throw away my drawing. it's right up there next to all the other awesome things i did this year, like take passport photos.

anyway, this was, in fact, made for my tv writing class party. and, once again, true to film students, i was told that i could make cakes when my tv/film career doesn't work out. i seriously love my classmates, we are so realistic about our futures, no matter how grim and depressing they may be. i've seriously got to at least make it in craft services. being on set, in any way, fulfills about half of my dream. close second, y'all.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours + a life goal to achieve swanson's pyramid of greatness

director of the parks department of pawnee, indiana,

sassy badger

"thing 2" - innocence lost

so, i just finished up the most beneficial class of my four years in college, "racism and anti-racism." seriously, some incredible, eye-opening, life-changing stuff. everyone take it, for reals.

anyway, dr. seuss has actually been known for being an anti-racist "activist," especially during WWII. however, as we were discussing japanese concentration... umm internment camps, we came across some unsavory cartoons by mr. geisel. obviously good people do dumb things sometimes, so this news didn't completely shatter my childhood, as the cake suggests. it was more of, what did i learn in "racism and anti-racism" that would be fun to put on a cake? white supremacy? check minus.

the cake was white with chocolate icing... obviously it couldn't pass in this class otherwise. and it took me about an hour to decide on a seuss character. the man was a pretty legit cartoonist, in case you weren't already aware. no simple line drawings or clipart type things, some shading that i don't even know how to tackle on paper, let alone on a cake. also, there are about infinity iconic seuss characters. 

i wanted to go with the cat in the hat, but  it was too difficult, and it reminded me too much of mike meyers and spencer breslin (what are you up to nowadays, spence?). however, my girl dakota fanning did rock that movie and every other thing she has ever done, ever. anyway, so i went with thing 2 because thing 1 was the obvious choice. can't be too cliche. i've got to keep you guessing.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + a 12 page paper left in this class that stands between me and graduation, no big deal

most known by the pen name,

sassy badger

"sky guy" - that's what they're called

well, this has been a slow, slow year indeed. not a lot of parties, i guess, but i have about a month left to make cakes for everyone who still has not gotten one yet, so put your orders in. for real. i've got a lot of time on my hands between now and graduation.

alright, alright. so, yes, this is one of those inflatable wind things that they use to advertise car dealerships, mobile phones (yes, mobile), pawn shops, crack houses, etc. the joke around this came about when i attempted to dance like one of these. everyone has a friend who dances like THIS, and if you've never tried to dance like that, then you haven't lived.

after some research, we discovered that these things are called sky guys, sky dancers, air dancers, sky puppets... so on and so forth, and the market for them is pretty outrageous. there are plenty of websites selling these things that look like you made them on your geocities account in sixth grade. it's amazing what you can learn when you're actually motivated to do so.

as a cake it was a pretty easy/weak design, but badger has been lazy this semester i guess. so, let me know if i owe you a cake. i really mean it.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1 hour + 30 minutes watching videos of these things on youtube.

a custom inflatable manufacturer,
sassy badger

"dan" - some words of wisdom

wow. it has been a very, very long time since an update, like not since 2010. and 1. this was made in december, so still nothing going on for 2011, and 2. this is so obscure that only people in my class would even catch the reference.

SORRY TO EVERYONE ELSE, maybe you should have some parties with some killer themes so that i have a reason to decorate again. jeez, kthanks.

anyway, this guy aka dan knight... no, not this dan knight:

i honestly have no idea who that guy is, but i wish he was our teacher. our dan knight looks exactly like the cake, if i do say so myself. same side-mouth talking, side-hair parting, green-shirt wearing dude you see before you. dan was always giving us super cliche advice about how to make movies and direct actors and live life. never helpful, always a good time.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 3 hours + 1 awesome weekend building sets, lighting scenes, and eating donuts. TEAM BETH FO'EVA.

dialogue before action points to,

sassy badger

"black swan" - it's pretty perfect

i was only able to see two movies at aff this year, 127 hours and black swan. both seriously MESSED ME UP, but i highly suggest you go see both; it's only fair.

anyway, this cake was basically a bribe for letting me skip an entire week of work. however, it might have ended up landing me more work in the future. the film guys at the office sent a picture of this to the producer of black swan and some guys at fox searchlight. move over spielberg, i'm running your craft service and your animatronic shark is in the way of my sandwich table. but for serious, that was pretty cool, and i haven't been sued yet for any copyright infringement. and natalie portman's "people" haven't shown up at my door or anything, although that would probably be worth it too.

hey, if i learned anything from this movie, it's that you have to do what it takes to get ahead. if that means exploiting queen amidala in some bird makeup just to make connections in the biz, then so be it. i'll see you in hollywood, bitchesssss.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2.5 hours + 3 awesome scenes of winona ryder as a washed up performer, mmmmfamiliar

a ballet in four acts,
sassy badger