"apples to apples" - super specific

i'm really craving pizza right now.

anyway, what else do you bring to an apples to apples party for your soccer team? i would ask jeeves, but i recently learned that that's not a thing anymore. rest in peace, 90's internet.

so, rather than bringing wine, because apparently people my age like to drink(?), i brought this cake. 

spitfire f.c. is the name of my soccer team. f.c. stands for "football club," but this is america, so i like to pretend it stands for funky cold and then, understood, medina.

i'm not going to even bother explaining the quote. i'm not even sure that i understand it, but it was a huge hit at the party, along with the wine(?).

now, i've played my fair share of apples to apples over the years, but the amount of times i've played since moving to los angeles is like infinitely greater than what i was expecting. literally, infinity, because i thought i would be playing zero times. i mean, we weren't even playing it ironically. 

each time i play i learn something new, like how funny i am and how unfunny everyone else is... i also like to throw down my own name for the green "humble" card. obviously. 

quick question, and, again, i really do wish i could be asking jeeves about this, but - why are the apples on the cards sweating? they're clearly running. so, have they been running for a long time? is it hot outside? where are they going? where are any of us going? i mean really?

come back to us, jeeves. bring my sixth grade geocities website with you. keep the xanga though. 

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + 6 strange looks from party-goers when i pulled a can of tea out of my purse after turning down a glass of wine (?). not sure what that was about.

the game of hilarious comparisons,

sassy badger

"schmidt" - a cyber birthday

ok, first and foremost, if you're reading this, please go wish my sister a happy birthday @friendlychuckle... her birthday was last week, and i made this last week, but i'm just getting around to posting it (i'm super busy and really important, obviously). my bad, charlotte. also if you want to send her clothes and gifts from me, that'd be great too.

for those of you who don't watch the exact same television as me (sorry for you) this is schmidt from new girl. there really aren't enough words to describe schmidt so, i'll let him speak for himself:

(quick pause while i give myself a high-five for doing a bit of html decoding or whatever to get that video to fit on the screen)

right, so there you have it. unfortunately, i couldn't capture the intensity of that "judaism, son" expression. schmidt's just too passionate about things... like menorahs, cheeses, and kimonos, but i'm still pretty happy with how it turned out.

anyway, my sister lives just a quick 21 hours down I-10 in houston, while i'm here in los angeles. however, she made me make her a chocolate cake, which i will now enjoy all by myself. seriously, i won't be sharing. sorry i'm not sorry.

also, great work by me for snapping a few pictures of this before i proceeded to accidentally punch a hole in his chin with my pinky finger. i was wearing my glasses today, and i felt like taking them off for a quick bit... it's like a completely different reality without them. who needs drugs? stay in school.

i did have a bit of fun adjusting his eyebrows and eyelids to get them "just right." it felt like doing make-up... not my make-up. i still don't know what that is, and i always end up getting hurt.

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 1.5 hours + 18 wonderful years with my cat coconut who is, in fact, a year older than my sister, and i always like to point that out.

who's that girl? it's,
sassy badger

"scandal" - trying new things

guys, i know i promised i wouldn't let hollywood change me, but the time has finally come for sassy badger to move on to bigger things... that's why this cake is 14.5 x 11in. when every other cake i've made has been 13 x 9.

woah, calm down. catch your breath. i'm still the same member of the weasel family i've always been - just as sassy, just as poor. 

this is also the first cake i've ever leveled (it's like really complicated, don't worry about it). it's the first time i've iced the sides (also SUPER complicated), and it's the first time i had to flip it from the pan to a tray. but, unlike landing a boyfriend, i turned out to be super good at all that stuff. 

anyway, this cake is for scandal, the new brain-child of shonda rhimes. i've seen the pilot. it's good. watch it.

like the cake i made for the finder, the show hasn't started yet (april 5th, ok?!), so there are only a few promotional materials floating around the interwebs for me to pull ideas from. when i saw the quote, the idea followed quickly after... she says her gut tells her things, and then her gut tells her to watch the show.  you see, it's funny because her stomach is talking. GET IT, GUYS?

i should mention that she/her is kerry washington in the lead role of olivia pope. and, if you're looking at the cake and thinking one of her arms is longer than the other, you're wrong. kerry just stands like a badass. that's why she has a show. take note.

can i also point out that, when kerry washington wears her hair back with a headband (like every day at soccer ever for me), she looks like this: 

but i look like this:

like, what gives, hereditary gods?

anyway, i ran into a couple of problems on this one... i bought "creamy peach" icing dye, thinking it would be this nice, calm, professional color. like the color of resume paper. i thought it would look nice. i now have two cans full of a highlighter pink icing that i got instead. at least i'm ready for every fraternity cake party ever. i didn't really go out in college, but i think those are things.

i also dropped a bag of icing on the top right corner of the cake, so that's why it looks so shoddy. the more you know... oh wait, that was a thing on nbc, and i've already sold my soul to abc. it won't happen again. 

TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 3.5 hours + one giant bowl of leftover "cake parts" just staring at me. baking during lent when you give up sweets is like the ultimate test of willpower. so, you're welcome, jesus.

famous for playing ray charles's wife,

sassy badger