alright, so from the outside, this cake looks like an all-around douchey mcdouchefest. sike, this cake is totally on fleek. it's better than on fleek. it's a 3 bedroom-2.5 bath on fleeker st. because that is a thing.
it's not a thing.
but, i didn't really have a lot of time to worry about what was going on on the outside of the cake because i was busy making the inside of the cake look'a like'a this...
that's texas, y'all. in case you couldn't tell, y'all. in case that crumbly, oddly shaped, weirdly colored mess of a thing wasn't so clearly texas to you, ya'll.
it might have stood out more if the cake itself was vanilla, not chocolate, but my sister had to go and ruin that. who wants chocolate cake? who lets the birthday girl decide what kind of cake she gets? i guess i didn't really have a choice because we ended up having cheese enchiladas for her birthday dinner. which i love, but she apparently HATES. and somehow that was my fault??? ugh.
apart from the cake turning out less than ideal, it was actually pretty fun to make. and really fucking easy. sike.
first i made the red and blue batter, then i swirled it, then i baked it, then i leveled it, then i cut out the texases (that's a word), then i froze them, then i made the chocolate cake, then i poured a layer of batter, then i baked that for a short time, then i put the texases (still a word) in that batter, then i poured more of the batter around it, then i baked that, then i baked it some more, then i baked it even more, and then, and only then, it was totally on fleek and ready to eat.
it was not easy, y'all. but trial by error, learn from your mistakes, if at first you don't succeed, or whatever yoga-hippy-vegan shit helps you sleep in your hemp hammock at night.
TOTAL DECORATING TIME: (i'm including the entire bake time in the decorating time) 6 hours + 4.5 minutes of a how-to video that made this look a lot easier than it was. 4.5 minutes of lies...