22 July 2014
"jj watt" - performance art
does this look like jj watt? not really. does this look like a cake i made recently? not really. in continuing in my tradition of procrastinating in this blog, i am just now posting this picture of a cake i made in january. at least i'm consistent!
first thing's first... do you guys even know who jj watt is? if you aren't from houston or you don't like sports then 1. i hate you and we have nothing to talk about, and 2. you likely have no idea who this is even supposed to be.
so, jj plays sportsball for the houston sportsball team. he's very good at sportsball. maybe the best. he's also the nicest person who has ever existed.
take that, jesus!
because he has sportsball prowess and out-nices the son of god and has a pleasing face, jj has stolen the hearts of every woman, man, child, and horse in the city of houston. (screw you if you thought we had horses in houston. you're ignorant. i hate you and we have nothing to talk about.)
so, even though i made this cake for one of my best friends*, with some improvements, i could probably sell this cake in mass quantities to every woman, man, child, and horse in the city of houston. i could even make enough money to buy the houston sportsball team.
this is jj:
i guess the cake is not that bad. i got his sportsball costume and make-up correct. i made his hair the right color of bland wheat color in a wheat field. and, most importantly, that blood, dude.
ok, since you dummies thought we had horses in houston, let me tell you now - that. is. not. real. blood. it's red food coloring. go back to whatever liberal, east coast city you were raised in. i hope you enjoy your quality public transportation, you idiots!
but one, that blood allowed for a great pun. and trust me, i know about puns. you can trust me because i've said i know about puns before. two, as anyone posed with the cake, the blood started running down jj's face. just like in real life! it's the first time one of my cakes has involved such an interactive-audience-participation-required component. should've charged admission to this thing...
look at all these amazing business ideas i have! i'll own the houston sportsball team in no time.
TOTAL DECORATING TIME: 2 hours + 10 second google search for "east coast stereotypes"
they call me the milkman,
*it's really a friendship of convenience. she only lives five minutes away. any further and my horse would get too tired to make the trip so many times.